Crumpet

 Despite the admirable efforts of Tallulah (who seems intent on undermining the fact that SteveR hero worships me), I suspect that even if my tumblr ratings go down, SteveR will continue to stand outside my house calling up at my window night after night. He is obsessed and unable to control himself. He regularly steals my shoes or my mohair scarves. Last week when he came round, I left the room to make some tea and when I came back I caught him kissing my mobile phone. He said he was cleaning it. It’s sad really.